New “Founders” founding document found in Arizona

The recovered papyrus would appear to explain the wishes of the Founders where health care is concerned. The Obama team has reportedly scrambled its people in order to respond to the new shocking historical revelations.

In a scene vaguely reminiscent of “Indiana Jones: Missile Command,” during a routine ground-breaking for a new Statewide Insurance outlet in Mesa, Arizona, contractors discovered what is now believed to be a primary document signed by the Founders.  The papyrus would seem to have put the onerous Health Care issue back on in the hot seat table, much to the chagrin of several key (and also some very unimportant) Obama staffers.

The discovery of the document coincides with the arrest of self-described “presidential dining historian” Barry H. Landau on charges of theft and archival plunder.  (Landau, whose 2007 book, “The President’s Table: Two Hundred Years of Dining and Diplomacy” earned him praise from diplomatic luminaries like Henry A. Kissinger, boasts of having over one million pieces of presidential memorabilia in his collection.)  The presidential dining expert was apprehended at the Maryland Historical Society after an employee noticed him slipping several documents into his laptop case.  A subsequent search turned up a trove of valuable historical documents in a nearby locker.

Coney Island detention facility, where Landau is being held for trial. (TV news anchor Bill O'Reilly gave the keynote speech at a vigil held outside the prison on Sunday in support of Landau. In a surprise move, O'Reilly also announced his bid for the presidency in the coming September Massacre.) The pink ribbons, many of which now festoon the prison fence, are the emblem of the New Originalist Party, under whose banner O'Reilly said he will run.

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